Q1) Dear Nani, my office expects me to arrive by 9:30 a.m., but my commute takes two hours each way which leaves me exhausted and with little personal time. How can I manage this situation?
This is why you need to unionise. Kids these days don’t understand that unions are the solution to at least 84% of their problems. (The remaining 16% will be solved by throwing your phone in the dustbin)
Let me explain something that should be taught in school: Corporations want to keep you under the illusion that you need them more than they need you.
This is a lie. It is told to you to keep the exploitation machinery running smoothly.
And it’s time to throw a wrench in it. Without you, the ship sinks. Without your labour, the PPT remains unformatted. The client calls go unanswered. The meeting notes remain unsent. And, worst of all, your manager suddenly has to do their own job. You think they will be okay with that?
Remember this: they need you more than you need them. Always.
Now that we've drilled this into your sweet summer child brain, let’s discuss your options:
Option One: The Direct Attack
Threaten to quit. You’d be surprised how quickly they offer compromises when they think their deliverables will be undelivered.
Option Two: Subtle Sabotage. A method approved by the CIA - If you don’t feel like confronting them outright, keep doing your job - but now do it badly. Send emails with no attachments. Forget to CC the client. Use Comic Sans in the quarterly report. Respond to “Kindly do the needful” by booking a massage in the middle of your workday. When they ask what’s going on, tell them your brain has been boiled to a pulp by the 4-hour commute. They’ll either fire you (they won’t) or fix the issue. Either way, freedom is near.
Option Three: Strategic Detachment™
Don’t quit the job, just quit the stress. The kids these days call it quiet quitting. Take three-hour lunches. Book mid-day manicures. Nap like a French aristocrat.. Log off whenever you feel like it. Reclaim your time however you can. Treat it as an experiment to see how long before they fire you or ask you what you want.
Your time, energy, and sanity are precious. The right job (or at least a sane manager) will respect that.
Until then: pick your weapon.
Or at least… that’s what Nani says.
About the author: Aashna Sharma is a writer, researcher, and creative producer from Mumbai who has previously worked at places like Vitamin Stree (which shut down) and VICE Asia (which shut down), and is now working for herself™ (which, hopefully, won’t shut down). Having recently completed a master’s degree, she’s currently trying to master the art of not compulsively recontextualizing everyday occurrences into manifestations of late-stage colonial hegemony.
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