This is a column about current times, sometimes referred to as end times.
I often think about the sandwich Gavrilo Princip stopped to eat after failing in his first assassination attempt on Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria. The story goes that Gavrilo was still eating when the Archduke’s car stalled in front of the sandwich shop, giving young Gavrilo another chance for a second (more successful) attempt, which of course then led to World War I, which of course then led to World War II.
What kind of sandwich do you eat between assassination attempts, that lead to two world wars? Was it grilled? Did he throw it away when he saw the car? And is it supposed to be funny that the sandwich was sandwiched between two assassination attempts?
It’s been a few months since the last ray of cope, and despite my best efforts to the contrary, events continued to occur. Since I can’t stop them, and since this column is called what it’s called, I suppose I should also offer ways of coping. If I’m going to talk about depressing topics like “things that happen in the world,” then it should come with some kind of coping tools.
Here’s what you’ve been coping with lately:
India and Pakistan almost went to war (yes, you already forgot), and Fawad Khan caught a stray by having his film banned from Bollywood again. And because I wish to continue the process of, you know, living, that’s all I’ll say about that. People seem to be coping just fine since they’ve already forgotten.
In Trade Wars 2025, India got hit with 50% tariffs by the US. The bright side? You can now tell that one NRI uncle who voted for Trump to suck it, and no, you will not be carrying achaar for him when you visit.
In less cope-able news, we got India’s Epstein Island before GTA 6. Bodies of young women and girls continue to be dug up in a town called Dharmasthala, and this one really made me think humanity has left the planet. The ray of cope here is the whistleblower who reported it. Turns out a sea of evil can still be parted when there’s such a thing as a conscience.
In other news, you probably haven’t heard because it isn’t being reported, the last Indian elections were most likely fake. I think this in itself is a ray of hope because everyone keeps saying the government doesn’t do anything for you, but in this case, they decided to save you the trouble of going all the way to the booth and just did the voting themselves.
Meanwhile, the people of Gaza continue to be genocided. Israel has adopted a new tactic: starving them. Even Germany, which did the last one, was like, “Hey, maybe stop that.”
How do you cope with these horrors? This is the reason I want to know about the sandwich. It just makes the subsequent world wars seem less serious. And now that we’re on the brink of a sequel, I think we could all use a sandwich break, couldn't we?
Nope. Turns out the story isn’t true. The whole thing was made up. There was no sandwich break, and Gavrilo was only near a café. Sandwiches weren’t even common in Sarajevo at the time. The world wars weren’t silly little sandwich-related anomalies.
The real way to cope is to stop looking for sandwiches. Read the news, tell your friends, be outraged, and then do something about it.
About the author: Aashna Sharma (she/her) is a writer, researcher, and creative producer from Mumbai who has previously worked at places like Vitamin Stree (which shut down) and VICE Asia (which shut down), and is now working for herself™ (which, hopefully, won’t shut down). Having recently completed a master’s degree, she’s currently trying to master the art of not compulsively recontextualizing everyday occurrences into manifestations of late-stage colonial hegemony.
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